(On the veranda now, got claustrophobic ...)

I have not made a commitment to  follow any guru or school of thought, and Goethe is there too, reminding me that:

"Until one is committed , there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too.  All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way".

Sounds fantastic ! Why would I not commit and let providence move? What exactly is providence ? Now we are on dangerous ground because my dictionary  says "an instance of God's arranging or intervening in something for his own purpose..." and I don't want to get into beliefs about god whichI know causes a quite visceral reaction in many, especially those who were schooled by religion ( my hand up here) so replace the g word with your own preferred noun or verb or symbol at this point.  

No matter what you choose to believe, make your first commitment to express yourself authentically, to honour your own essence and your own vision for your life.

"We are, whether we are aware of it or not , always creating exactly what we are most committed to." (Debbie Ford, "The Right Questions"). So it stands to reason ( what exactly does that phrase mean?) that "when our lives are not the way we want them to be, we can be certain we have a conflicting hidden commitment to something other than that which we say we are committed to " (DF again). So if you have made unconscious decisions in the past you need to look deeper at those first commitments ( you probably made them in the first seven years of your life).

Are you really committed to getting a FIT body or is your first commitment to attention, love, comfort ( i.e. food, alcohol, time for yourself,) THE QUICK FIX! the struggle between our unconscious commitments and our souls longing will be an un-winnable war ... a war with oneself. I  know I don't like anyone telling me what to do , even if it's another part of myself... who is sabotaging my higher self? Which part of me is in denial? (Crazy!)

So lets start off being honest with ourselves ... the bitter truth is better than a sweet lie .... the truth will set you free ...  ( it's hard to put it better... wisdom is bandied about on bumper stickers , advertising slogans and  fridge magnets, but it is there ). 

I want to be a writer; but my first commitment was for me to escape reality and disappear into the world of  books. I want to create a successful career; but my first commitment was to have someone take care of me ( so I can stay home and write ...and read) ... not going to happen ( another part of me is determined to be independent?).

Why don't you try it? 

Write down a goal or desire that you have delayed, ignored or been unable to attain and then make a list of actions that you have or have not taken THAT TAKE YOU AWAY FROM THAT GOAL!  ( or at least have not bought you any closer to it):

WHAT ARE THOSE CHOICES REALLY EXPRESSING? Close your eyes, take a deep, slow breath and ask yourself "What commitment are my choices REALLY revealing?" 

Again don't be too hard on yourself, you were probably a small child when you made those choices, without the freedom , understanding or awareness; and at some point those unconscious decisions served you (us). But now you are grown up, bring those choices into your conscious awareness, acknowledge their use and lessons and move on to the future you want. You are not going to rid yourself of debt if you keep going shopping for comfort and self esteem; you won't have the career of your dreams if you choose safety and what you know ; you won't lose those extra pounds if you keep eating sweet things at that same time in the afternoon ....

It's not just about committing to achieving goals, milestones, ticking boxes on a list of 'doings', that bit of paper, that promotion, that bank balance or title ... What about being committed to being true to yourself ( whatever that means for you), or committed to living a certain way ( with integrity , whatever that means for you). Maybe you need to commit to working out exactly who you and what you want aside from the expectations you and others have of you as parent, partner, provider or people-pleaser? Maybe you need to commit to developing your intuition or trust in your own inner wisdom? 

These are more nebulous commitments that require actions that are not so specific as ... walking for 40 minutes every day , ringing a certain person, dropping your resume off somewhere ... they are the sort of commitments that require 
an awareness of the rules and values imposed upon us as children, to pay attention to the interpretations we have made and choose our own beliefs to become the artists of our own lives ... 

"Awareness opens the door to millions of possibilities, and if we know that we are the artist of our own life, we can make a choice from all those possibilities" (Don Miguel Ruiz, "THe Fifth Agreement")

How do we practice being aware? How do we perceive the truth ? 

We were born with both gifts in our DNA. 

"You are programmed to be you, whatever you are, and it makes no difference to the program what your mind thinks you are. the program is not in the thinking mind . It's in the body." (DMR again).

Trust your instincts. Start to have a conversation with yourself ( strange yet familiar). We invented all kinds of symbols to communicate with each other... use them also to communicate with yourself ( the language you speak, your gestures your movement). Ask yourselves questions. Answer them honestly. Look at your feelings. Are you stuck in some drama that keeps repeating itself? Is there a pay off in your behaviour?

Commitment to your being who you were meant to be is a great place to start. 

I am committing to being true to myself. I am committing to forgiving myself when I forget out of habit or fear. I am committing to making this the first day of the rest of my best life. I'm committing to listening and learning whether the wisdom appears on the back of a cereal box , a childs' utterance or my own knowing.

And I will repeat the mantras despite them being slogans or cliches. 

There is no failure, only feedback. 

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