The Year of the Water Dragon! I dive into the Chinese New Year with the intention of being true to myself, trusting my own intuition and seeking my own wisdom. I am welcomed by rain. More rain and yet more … plus damp, mould, washing that won’t dry, a dog running in and out of the house with muddy paws and fat leeches filled with blood. Another El Nina in Bellingen brings the first flood of 2012 and sees the half way point of my driveway turn into a gushing river, my rural outlook become the Lake District.  Luckily I have a full fridge, as I am cut off from town, and I had also decided to start the Chinese New Year with a detox / cleanse: phase one no caffeine, sugar, processed food or alcohol adding wheat and dairy after I had recovered from the caffeine withdrawals, so my fridge was full of healthy goodies.

Without my daily caffeine fix I was immobilised by the very first afternoon with a migraine like headache, which lasted  for three days. At least the torrential rain was a valid excuse to put aside other plans and surrender to the detox, rest, drink dandy chai, green tea and green smoothies. By the end of the second day I was experiencing lower back pain (kidneys?) and cramps that felt like first stage labour  (I’m not kidding). Was all this withdrawal from my beloved morning latte? It appeared so!

The weather and the forecast were unrelenting so I sat down and finally did my Profit & Loss for the last six months which I had been avoiding and cursing for a couple of weeks. I just did it!

I kept walking the dog every day so that he would not go stir crazy too and one morning the rain was so heavy that my gumboots filled with water, as did the pocket on my man size wet weather anorak. Once again I surrendered to that over which I had no control, the squelch of my waterlogged feet in rhythm with the bubbling tarmac and the constant rain falling through the trees, so that I felt like I was in a giant waterfall. Not a bird could be heard, nothing but water. It was quite beautiful and a fitting tribute to the dragon!

Looking back over the week I thought I had achieved very little (P&L aside) just dealing with leaking fireplaces and moving damp towels around to catch a breeze and moving strings of chilli’s that were drying on the veranda inside and finally dried in a slow oven to prevent mould. I realised that I had got through the worst of the detox, which I had committed to do. This is my fiftieth year on the planet and being the auspicious 2012 I felt that a massive cleanse, de-clutter and detox was necessary to clear some space for mental and physical clarity, and to focus on where I want to go and who I want to be for the next half of my life ... unlike the first half which was largely an exercise in spontaneity, impulsiveness and serendipity!

“The most important agreements we make are the ones we make with ourselves”
                                                                                                         (p15 Don Miguel Ruiz “The fifth Agreement”)


Any commitment that I (and you) make will only have efficacy if I make it first and foremost with myself, knowing why I am making that choice. Through my ongoing study and practice of NLP I believe that we do this through symbology, through our language, through what we think and how we articulate. So this year, I am committing to watching my words, the ones that come out of my mouth, and that ones that run around in my head.

 “Every one of us uses the word to form opinions to express our point of view … we create the story of our own lives … every one of us has a story that we share, a message that we deliver to ourselves and everyone and everything around us"                                                                                                              (p28, DMR)

I am also admitting to being commitment phobic! I am a pro at making excuses, needing more and more information, endlessly analysing things, voraciously reading the self development books etc going “Yeah! Great! I get it, sounds feasible”… and doing nothing about it! So this is what this blog is really about … putting it down in black and white and sending it out on the WWW, so if I fail to keep my word I will do so publically. I also want to be able to give my clients as a coach, tools that I myself have used, experienced and found to work.

Don Miguel Ruiz’s book The Fourth Agreement is a great place to start with some wise assistance, it’s small, it’s easy to read, there are only four simple agreements to learn and keep, simple but NOT easy, and therefore suitably challenging and stretching of your comfort zone.

The first agreement is:

BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD.

Now being a word nerd and consulting my Chambers dictionary, the word impeccable means “faultless, without flaw or error, incapable of sin”. That sounds like a tough call and going into religious territory again … so lets back out and look at what that can mean in a down to earth, practical way. Ask yourself;

How am I using words to describe myself, my world?

When I look in the mirror do I like what I see; or do I judge my body, my height, my features, or my hair?

Am I using words to judge myself?

Do I use words against myself by speaking negatively?

Do I gossip about myself enhancing dramas, spreading emotional poison?

Do I whinge and complain about myself, create self-judgement, inner conflict and self- rejection?

Do I use words in anger to belittle someone else (creating a like reaction in the other person against me)?

Do I use insults to create conflict, defensiveness?

It's time to get real with yourself, to 'fess up and look at how you are using your words against yourself and others, not for good but for more drama, so you can hang around being a victim and not take responsibility for what is coming out of you! 
    
The bible says something along the lines that of out of the excesses of the heart the mouth speaks… the words we use have force, intent, power. We re-create the reality we perceive with our words.

“The word as a symbol has the magic and power of creation because it can reproduce an image, an idea, a feeling or an entire story in your imagination” (p35 DMR)

NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) also stresses the importance of language as an integral part of the process of thought / consciousness and the way we interact and communicate. What we say and how we say it affects ourselves, and the people we come into contact with. 

In the fifties, linguist, political activist and philosopher Noam Chomsky also proposed that we create our own individual model of the world by the way we filter our experience through our own set patterns of thought (language). We generalise, delete or distort what we perceive through our particular ingrained patterns and conditioning. It has no bearing on truth and has more to do with our interpretations of events.

That is why it is so important to become aware of your words, the phrases you use automatically, habitually. Look out for when you preface a sentence with … I always  … I never … I should … I can’t … Every time I …  whatever follows you can be sure is a distorted perception or limiting belief.

What about that wishy-washy, non-committal language … I guess … I might … maybe …but … I’ll try … I’m OK … not bad … possibly … It ain't going to happen !

Look out for well-worn phrases, clichés, meaningless fillers  (avoiding something?) and judgements that echo in your head (why is it that we remember the negative comments and not the praise?). Firstly be aware of how you speak against yourself, in your head or muttering, “I hate my …”, “You’re so stupid…” etc.   Are you just too damn hard on yourself? 

I believe being impeccable with your word starts with giving yourself a break, being a little bit more compassionate with yourself, acknowledging your successes daily, no matter how small, focusing on what is right rather than what is wrong. Perhaps we need to nourish and nurture ourselves with gratitude, acceptance and forgiveness and start to create a kinder, gentler world than the hectic one we have all colluded in creating with its interminable stresses.

In the beginning was the word and the word became flesh, action, and matter?

Make your words count, speak out words that create beauty and hope, believe that they have power and no matter what life throws at you choose to live life the second way …

“There are only two ways to live your life. One as though nothing is a miracle. The other as though everything is a miracle”
                                                                                                                                           Albert Einstein.
”Now is the time when we must develop an intimate and close relationship with ourselves, taking the time to listen to our inner voices and acting in ways that bring out the best in ourselves.”
                                                                                                                                             Debbie Ford 
The very first conversation you have to have is with yourself.