Last week was Mental Health Awareness Week. Depression, anxiety and panic attacks are something that 1 in 3 of us go through at some point in our lives and far from being signs of weakness are invariably signs of having tried to remain strong too long , not sharing, disclosing or reaching out for help.

I know that for me there have been times where I have felt alone and unsupported, waking at 3 am with anxiety and insomnia leading to fatigue and depression ... a cycle that can easily become chronic ... waking with a heavy feeling of dread, looking outside and only seeing the colour grey.  It's a horrible place to be and if ongoing requires some form of intervention, whether medical or through counselling or other alternative methods.

Marshall B. Rosenberg in his book"Nonviolent Communication ; A language of Life" has this to say:

"My theory is that we get depressed because we are not getting what we want, and we 're not getting what we want because we have never been taught to get what we want.  Instead , we've been taught to be good little boys and girls and good mothers and fathers... depression is the reward we get for being 'good' ..."

He suggests that to feel better we have to clarify what we need and feel before making a request from others that will enrich our lives, and that it is usually a lack of awareness of what we want from others that contributes to our frustrations and depression. 

Honest , vulnerable communication and conscious requests of our needs in concrete, specific language;  Making requests not demands with an objective for an honest and empathic relationship. 

(Tell that to a parent of teenagers!)

If I clearly understand
you intend no demand
I'll usually respond when you call
but if you come across
like a high and mighty boss
you'll feel like you ran into a wall
and when you remind me
so piously
about all those things you've done for me
you'd better get ready
here comes another bout...
...because it seems to me that you 
didn't see me as human too
until all your standards were met.

Being impeccable with your word also presupposes that you know what you want, you speak honestly and with empathy and if you don't know what you want... well it's back to the self talk , trusting your innate ability to know what is in your best interest as opposed to trying to please another.

If you are suffering from chronic depression, anxiety or panic attacks could this be an angle from which to approach your state ... Am I just trying to be a goodie good? Am I just trying to please others without meeting my own needs?

How can  I communicate effectively, honestly and without making the other person defensive. 

How do we say the hard things with love?
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I posted this on my FB page and got a string of responses. Gossip happens in big cities too, but in a small town it can cause enormous stress. I really hate gossip. Don't be seduced into even listening to it, its like eating a cheap pizza too fast , it doesn't satisfy it, just makes you feel ill.

Life in a small town …

To the usual suspects … remember that there are always two sides to every story, and sometimes more. So to continue to spread slander, lies (which can become a legal matter) and misinformation, when you only have access to the biased opinions of one party is foolish, and reveals you for who you are.  To the Fag Ash Lil’s (let’s face it, it’s usually females who love to do all the nasty legwork of spreading poison) who delight in perpetuating toxic gossip, cackling at their favourite watering hole or the fruit & vegie section of the IGA  (unfortunately with the ubiquitous seduction of a juicy bit of goss you’ll find it happening at every aisle at the supermarket). Get a life! Stop behaving like fourteen-year-old schoolgirls under the illusion that by gossiping you are bonding. There are so many good things or important matters you could be putting your energy towards other than putting the metaphorical knife in other people’s backs and energetically that is what you are doing.  The proposed antimony mine in Dorrigo is right in our backyard for one.  Use your energy to make a difference, not to weigh in on matters that are none of your business. Other people’s mistakes or their pain is not for your entertainment.  And if you insist on filling your head with superfluous negativity – watch a reality show on TV!  The Good Book says to judge not lest you also be judged. When you point the finger at someone, you have three fingers pointing back at you!

Peace & Love. (really)



P.S. I am still off the caffeine !
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It has been 14 days since my last coffee (or chocolate) and I feel ... OK ... not great, not fantastic, not brimming with a new found energy or clarity or any other wondrous side effects from my New Year commitment to cleanse and detox. Maybe I am still detoxing? After all I have been having that morning coffee for ... thirty-odd years ( bar pregnancy and breast feeding) and admittedly it was always a double shot, and if I ever went to a cafe and got a substandard cup I would feel incensed, irritable and unfulfilled! I even invested in a small expresso machine so I could make my morning brew just the way i liked it and also save money ( drinking a coffee out every day was costing me ... about $1,200 per annum!). 

There is no doubt in my mind that caffeine is a powerful drug and of course you only have to Google it to come up with plenty of information on its effects on the body whilst you are drinking it and when you withdraw from it. It is acknowledged as the most widely consumed psycho-active drug and has the same pharmacological effects as many substances we associate with doing harm. It causes an over activation of the central nervous system, increasing blood flow through the kidneys and lungs, passing through the blood-brain barrier to constrict cerebral blood vessels causing such symptoms as insomnia, a rise in body temperature, an increased heart rate and dehydration. 

On reflection I feel as though my body clock rhythms are adjusting, I am feeling less anxiety, without those heart palpitations and tremors ... and a rise in body temperature is definitely not what a peri-menopausal woman needs! I'm feeling spurred on to continue feeding my body lots of beautiful raw food straight from the garden, green smoothies (recipe below), fresh juices, nuts and salads ... until the warm weather gives way to winter! 

I started on this path when my daughter requested that instead of having a big party for her 21st, she wanted to go on a health retreat and do a detox with yoga and massages and facials etc!! Sounds good to me ! I did not question her any further on this quite unexpected request, just felt somewhat privileged ( she was a nightmare teen!) and started to do the research. It appears that it is cheaper to go overseas and do a detox ( Thailand was looking good!). Then I came across an article by Walter Last, a retired biochemist , nutritionist , research chemist and natural therapist based in Australia "The Hidden Cause of Cancer and Autoimmune Diseases", http://www.health-science-spirit.com and the importance of a "..high quality diet with periodic raw-food cleansing ..." ; and I am considering doing his 'ultimate cleanse' ... considering..., I mean check it out !! 

My themes/ thoughts/ inclinations this month obviously are focusing on commitment. I am pleased with my efforts thus far not to cave in the face others around me demolishing the usual fare, and I am glad that i chose to do it gradually, building up to removing, from this monday : dairy, wheat and meat. This I am committing to! (then maybe The Ultimate ...). If I had gone cold turkey with all those food groups ( are processed foods and lollies a food group?) I would most likely have bailed after a couple of days.

I feel like I'm coming at this year from all angles. I am practicing being impeccable with my word ( I'm not a gossip but I have this nasty little mini-me voice in my head who has got used to speaking negatively about my efforts ...). I also managed to meditate every day this week ... can i keep that up ? (shut up mini doubter...I've always struggled with the meditations, I often fall asleep, my back aches and I find myself sliding down into the horizontal position...). I coached a client this week who was struggling to articulate any kind of commitment, but felt things shifting and moving in the days that followed,which was exciting. I took some steps with my business. I did a yoga class. I cleaned the house. Doing stuff and ticking boxes.

Then I read an article in The Guardian; "Top 5 regrets of the dying"  ( see link on my Facebook page): they wished they...
1. had been true to themselves ( working on that too)
2 .hadn't worked so hard ( predominantly men said this, I can say unequivocally that i am not a workaholic!)
3. had expressed their feelings (on it)
4. stayed in tough with friends  (Yea FaceBook!)
5. let themselves be happier (it's a choice!)

And I decided I was going to be happy with the commitments and choices I'd made this week ( and year) and keep going, through the 'can't quite give you any results' phase because I'm in it, and (like the fourth agreement) I'm doing the best I can right now! Tomorrow that might be better , or it might be worse. Right now I feel ... content, if not definitive, and comfortable with uncertainty and ... here is a recipe for a delicious Green Smoothie ... 

My green smoothie : In a blender throw a bunch of leafy greens( spinach, silver beet, lettuce, mint, parsley...) a bit of cucumber chopped , broccoli ... ADD a banana ( frozen and very ripe is good) , berries ( frozen and/or fresh) mango ... basically whatever fruit is seasonal and available ... ADD H2O to cover .... PLUS your choice of super foods ; acai berry, maca powder, spirulina, chia seeds ... and BLEND UNTIL smooth. 
    
         Enjoy , feel all the antioxidants and cellulose hit you blood , hear it sigh with satisfaction. AAAhhh! I'm alive!
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